Raise your level of abstraction
Conflicts and their constructive resolution is the only way to achieve harmony in the pair. Find out what you can get if you stop quarreling.
1. You will begin to trust each other more
Conflicts that can not be resolved quickly, suggest such horror to many couples that they prefer to avoid them by any means. People consider such quarrels fatal for a relationship. And completely in vain.
If you manage to talk without going over to personalities, but without suppressing your emotions, and vice versa, making them available to your partner, such a quarrel will only strengthen your relationship. You will understand this when the storm settles.
After experiencing one quarrel, you will be less afraid of the following. You will begin to trust the partner and yourself more, knowing that you can quite cope with possible disagreements. As a result, you will not postpone complex conversations with a half until the last. You will understand that it is better not to accumulate negative emotions, but as early as possible to find out what is wrong.
2. After an argument, you will feel much better
If you manage to express your emotions and release steam, you will get rid of tension, anxiety, and fear. This will positively affect both your mental health and your physical health.
Of course, this does not mean that you need to drain all your toxic thoughts on your partner. Although sometimes it is better to express everything that boils than to keep it inside and wait until everything is formed by itself.
Greg Godek, the author of the book Love: The Course They Forgot to Teach You in School, believes that the golden rule of ethics rarely works in real quarrels. The Too cautious conversation will lead to nothing. So sometimes it's better to release all the emotions to finally figure out what's wrong.
The only rule that should be adhered to in quarrels is not to hit a partner and not throw heavy objects at him. In the rest - forward: noisy, slam the doors, swear the last words. Do anything if you feel that it will help.
3. The partner will know about your thoughts and feelings.
No matter how close you are, your partner can not read your thoughts. He probably just does not know how much you are hurt by a topic.
At the same time, the question arises: how to convey your thoughts to your partner, so that he takes them correctly and does not take offense? Especially if it is some kind of claim against him. How not to disillusion him with displeasure?
Try not to blame, but to talk about your feelings, about how the behavior of the partner is reflected on you. Psychologists call this i-sayings. For example, you can say: "I'm already fed up with your work." I-saying, conveying the same thought, will sound like this: "It makes me very upset that you often come home late. I would like to spend more time together." Sometimes, you may be indeed wrong, wasting your time for some things, for example, for writing the text by yourself, instead of ordering it at essayvikings.com/college-papers.
They say that quarrels show all our worst features. But they can also discover our best qualities if we cope with the most difficult part of them.
4. You will become closer
During quarrels, you find out what is important for your partner, what he likes, what he wants, how he builds boundaries, how flexible he is, what hurts him and what he needs to feel better.
If you quarreled because your half is throwing socks around the apartment, things can be quite different. Perhaps the reason lies in respect and personal space, and not in accuracy.
There is one more fact that can not be ignored. Sex after a quarrel is almost any quarrel. And it will also make you closer to each other. In all senses.
5. You will understand that your half is a separate person
Quarrels very quickly dispel the illusion that you have already merged into one and achieved full mutual understanding. Even good, if it never happens. So you can learn from each other all your life.
6. You will become better
You learn to focus on the most important thing. On the fact that your half is very important to you and you want a loved one to be happy. So you become more patient, understanding and caring, learn to really love.
When you are at the epicenter of a quarrel, you clearly are not up to fun. You feel disgusting. In a sense, quarrels are like sports training. Is it always pleasant to sweat in the gym? No. But you are pumping your weak points.
Quarreling is like forging a sword out of steel. Only after hardening, after repeated immersion in hot oil and cold water, a work of art will be obtained that can survive any tests. So it is with your union.
7. You will understand that you do not need to be perfect
Quarrels show that you are only a person. Sometimes you are in a bad mood, sometimes you are overwhelmed by stress, and sometimes you just get tired. Accordingly, and your relationship can not be ideal.
All your inner demons, which you realize or do not realize, will make themselves felt in close relationships. It's unavoidable.
Add a Comment